Not for Comedians

What is wrong with me?  Why do I constantly keep doing this?  Why do I not think before I speak or realize the pain I could cause?  I have a problem that I need to deal with.  Why can't I just say, "ya, that's great" or "I'm so happy for you" instead of blurting the first thing that comes to mind?  I am an asshole, I deserve to be punished, for my actions cause nothing but pain.  Pain, pain to others, and pain to me.  Although I feel sorry, I don't think I can ever forgive myself for the pain I cause to others.  With every little incident I shovel away a load of dirt from the six-foot hole I am creating for myself.  I am a bad person and I don't deserve to have great people who care about me.  They deserve somebody who can treat them better.  I suck, and as much as I think I am a comedian, I am not.  I am just an asshole.